Confessions and Promises

Ramona took her shoes off and put her feet into the cool, refreshing water. Oh how she wished she could submerge her whole body in the cool blue pool, it was too hot to be outside. She felt beads of sweat gathering at her hairline, and quickly wiped them off. She felt sticky with persparation. Her corset was now clinging to her skin in a most uncomfortable way. But she did not want to leave the beauty of Jamaica Park, or the person who now, sat beside her. She had been so caught up in plundging her feet into the tranquil pool she had forgotten her company. Stephen was sitting beside her, removing his socks and shoes. Ramona noticed that he had nice long feet, and could just make out dark hairs on his legs as he rolled his trousers to his ankle. His green eyes met hers and she looked away, red heat making its way across her already pink face.

“ahhh” he sighed. and Ramona heard his feet meeting the water.  She looked back at him, smiling.

“I wish we could go swimming” the words had lepped from her lips before she could think. Swimming with a man! How improper that would be.

“I agree” he said “it is far to hot to be outside. I am sorry I have drug you from the coolness of you home.”

“Oh no! Not at all! I am happy to escape.”

“Escape?” he asked, amused.

“Err… Well what I mean is that taking callers all day can be exhausting.”

“Especially for you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well Mona, you are shy.”

“Yes, I suppose I am. But taking callers has been hard since…”

“Since you mother died?” he finished.

Ramona nodded slightly, and turned her eyes to follow the ducks swimming on the lake. A mother was being followed by a cque of ducklings. A few minutes passed in silence as she watched them gliding across the lake. She could not tell if Stephen was watching her, or the ducks. Maybe he was watching both. All she knew was she was trying her hardest to keep her tears from spilling out of her eyes. He must have seen, or sensed her inner turmoil, because soon she felt his hand on top of her own. He had never held her hand before. All those afternoons alone together, drives to the country, and he had not so much as layed a finger on her.  She looked up at him, and his gaze was steady and fixed on her. He gave her a small smile. There was something in that smile that sent shock waves through Ramona’s body. She had to tell him the truth. Had to tell him everything. He needed to know what he was getting into.  Sarah knew, or course. She knew everything, but she had not been there for the worst of it. Ramona had had no one to confide in while her friend had been at school, and had little time to tell her when she was home, as Sarah was writing and doing Lord knows what else.  But Stephen was here. And she was going to tell him as much as he listen to, before he walked away like William.

“Stephen” She said, in a small voice.

‘umhum”

“I want to tell you about my mother”

“What about her?” He asked, a little confused.

“Everything”

He squared his shoulders towards her, bewilderment etched on his handsome brow.

Ramona felt the beads of sweat dripping down her forehead, and reached up to wipe them away again.

“How about we find some shade first, and get you out of the sun?”

Ramona nodded. They got to their feet, and walking barefooted with their shoes in hand sought solstice under a large oak tree. The grass was dark and cool, tickling Ramona’s feet, the sun barley shown through the cluster of leaves. They sat, and once settled, Stephen spoke.

“Now what is it you want to tell me?”

Ramona cleared her throat. “It is a long, sad story, but you need to hear it.”

She looked at him, and his firm green gaze was fixed on her.

“I suppose the story begins eight years ago, when my brother died.”

“You had a brother?”

“Yes, he was about five years older than I.”

“What was his name?”

“Jeremy”

“How did he die?”

Ramona sighed and looked into the green canopy above them. Stephen always asked so many questions.

“Sorry” he mumbled. “Please continue.”

“He was fifteen years old, when he came down with scarlet fever. It was terrible. I was ten when it happened, and I was sent away from home, so I would not become sick too. But my mother, she stayed by his side every moment of his illness.  She nursed him, and did her best to keep him alive. The doctors told her that there was nothing she could do. But she stayed. She was with him when he died.”

She paused and looked across the lawn to the pond, still visible from their new spot, and saw the ducks waddling about by the water’s edge, still following their mother.

“She was not the same after my brother’s death. She would not eat, and she hardly got out of bed. I tired everything to cheer her up, but nothing worked.  Doctors came and visited almost every day. She underwent mysterious treatments that I, as a child, never full understood. For a while she was better, but around the time I turned fifteen she began having fits. “

“Fits? Like what?”  Ramona could tell that he sounded worried, it would only be a few minutes until he left and she never saw him again, but she continued.

“Of hysteria. She would have fainting spells, fits of giggles, and boughs of melancholy. I went to finishing school not only to become a lady of society, but also so I could take over the duties of the household that my mother could no longer do. That is when I met Sarah. If I had not met her then, I don’t know what I would have done. Since my brother’s death laughter had been almost absent from my home. She taught me to laugh again. She was my closest friend and only confidant I had. Well until I met William.”

She looked into Stephen’s eyes. They were blazing with an anger she had not seen in them before.

“What has my father told you about William?”

“Not much, but enough for me to loath him, but I want to hear what you have to say. Please continue Mona”

“I met William at a ball. It was one of those nights that I selfishly left mother at home and danced the night away with some handsome gentleman. He was kind to me, and we flirted, he made me laugh. We began courting. He had just started practicing medicine in Boston, and his office was close to my father’s bank.  It made it easy to have chaperoned discussions with my father close by. He proposed after we had courted six months, and I accepted. As my fiancé he discovered our family secret of my mother’s hysteria. He, as a doctor offered his services, which my father all to gladly accepted. He prescribed her all sorts of drugs, and potions, and she became sicker. My love for him blinded me to the fact that it was he who was making her worse. Before William had treated her, I had played my violin for her every night. The music seemed to calm her and she would look at me like she used to. William told me that the music only made the beast in her more powerful and that I could not play for her anymore.”

Ramona buried her face in her hands. Hot tears were beginning to leak down her sun red face. She did not know if she could continue telling him the worst of it. He would run away, and she would be alone again. She felt Stephen’s strong arm around her shoulders, and he pulled her closer to him. She had never in her life been this close to a man. Even William, and he had been her fiancé.

“You don’t have to tell me any more today if you don’t want to.” He said in a soft voice.

Ramona took her hands from her face, shaking her head, “No. I have to tell you.” When he didn’t say anything more, she continued. “I do not know how much you know about female hysteria.”

“A little” Stephen replied.

“Well, doctors say it is caused by an imbalance in the woman’s womb.” She felt herself redden again. “I never knew exactly what treatments William was giving my mother, but one afternoon I found out. I had come home from calling on Sarah, when Gerald informed me that William was treating my mother upstairs. I went up to my room to remove my traveling jacket, when a blood-curtailing scream came from my mother’s room. On instinct and reflex, I ran to her chamber and threw the door open. I thought she might be hurting William. She could get rather physical during one of her rages. But when I opened the door I found William pinning my mother down. He had…” Ramona felt herself turning red from fierce anger and vast embarrassment she could not tell Stephen about what William did, she could barley speak the next words. “There was so much blood. I yelled at him, screaming. Gerald came up to see what was happening and he punched William, wrestling him to the floor. William was screaming, “It is for her own good! I am a doctor damn it!” Then the police came, and they took William away, and they sent my mother to the hospital.”  Ramona was sobbing at this point. She could not control it.

“I know the rest.” Stephen said in a soft voice. Ramona looked at him, blinking the tears from her eyes, as he handed her a handkerchief. How could he know the rest?

“Your father came to work one day and asked me if I knew any good prosecuting attorneys.  Seeing that I am involved in corporate law, I could not be of assistance to him. But my cousin is an attorney who practices prosecution. So your father sought his services. He had to tell me bits and pieces of it so I could get my cousin to take the case.  But I did not know the whole of it till now. All I knew is that your ma had been ill, William was your fiancé and a doctor who had tried to treat her, but his treatment resulted in her death. I was there when they announced the verdict…”

“Oh” Ramona replied, “I see.”  She looked out across the pond, the ducks had gone, and the sun had begun to set over the tops of the trees.

“Are you angry at me for not telling you sooner?”

“No” She replied, and she meant it. She knew him well enough to know Stephen had not wanted to bring her mother up until she was ready to talk about it.  His arm was still around her, and now he was rubbing her arm, in attempts to comfort her.  They sat there for a few moments, looking out at the water.

“Can I tell you something?” Stephen asked breaking the silence.

“Or course.”

“Promise you will not get angry.”

“I cannot promise that, now what is it?”

“You remember the night we met? And how you made me promise not to fall in love with you?”

Ramona felt her self redden again but, when she said nothing he continued.

“Well, Mona, I am finding it very difficult to keep that promise. You have been honest with me today, so I feel that I need to be honest with you. You need to know how I feel. But unless I am mistaken, you are finding that promise difficult too.”

Ramona looked at him in astonishment, and jumped to her feet. “How dare you assume… I hardly know you… I…” She could not make the words fluid. Her mind was racing. She could not be in love. She would not allow her self to become that venerable again. Stephen had gotten to his feet too.

“Now, Mona…”

“Don’t you “Now Mona” me!” Stephen chuckled at her. “What? What is so funny?”

“You are only getting this way because it is true.”

“You know nothing of what I know!”

“Mona you arnt exactly hard to read… I know you are afraid, because I am too. Do you think I planned on this?”

He was fallowing her as she walking in circles, trying to think.  His Scottish accent was getting thicker as he talked faster, usually it was very hard to detect. “I had my heart broken, and I was not so willing to give it to someone else.  But then I met you and wanted to be your friend. I thought we could talk about what had happened to us and be able to support each other. The support soon gave me deeper feelings that I know you feel. “

Ramona stopped pacing and looked into his green eyes. He was right, of course. She did care about him. More than she had cared about anyone in a long time. New tears were beginning to form, and they spilled hot and wet down her face. Stephen took her hand and looked deep into her eyes, so deep she wondered if he could see her very soul. His hand reached up, and he brushed her tears away.

“I will make you one promise I will never, ever break Ramona.”

“Oh and what is that?” she asked, so mesmerized by him the words came out full of air.

“I promise that I will never, ever, hurt you.” Ramona stared at him, looking deep into his eyes, trying to read his soul like he could read hers. What she found was honesty, truth.

“I am afraid,” she whispered.

“So am I” He said, his face now so close to hers she could feel the words.  He gently grabbed her waist pulling her even closer to him. Oh goodness she could see every eyelash that adorned his eyes.  His green gaze was almost blending with her hazel one.  He was looking at her lips, biting his own.  Shivers were creeping up her spine, making her feel like her whole body had plunged deep into the cool blue pond that was now sparkling in the setting sunlight.  He looked back into her eyes and softly cupped her face with his hand and ever so slowly, that Ramona’s heart raced with every passing second, he leaned in and kissed her.  Ramona had never felt more at home. Everything about this was right.  From the way his lips fit hers, to his hand in her hair. And all she knew was that he would never break his promise like he had the last one.